PDA, which stands for "pathological demand avoidance" is a neurotype (life-long neurological difference) which matches criteria for autism spectrum diagnosis because it entails rigid thinking (our demand avoidance) and social communication & interaction issues.
Empirical evidence for PDA is lacking, and there's an army of critics saying PDA doesn't qualify as a distinct neurotype. Some argue that PDA is a trauma response that any autistic person can experience. These arguments fail to acknowledge that PDA, as a neurotype, is more than its trait of "pathological" (AKA inborn and involuntary) demand avoidance. "PDA" refers to both our demand avoidance trait and our entire neurotype, which has the additional traits of people-focus; high anxiety; personal control-need; and propensity for fantasy & role-play.
People who directly experience PDA, either because they're PDA themselves (like me), or because they have a family member who's PDA (like me also) don't need empirical proof our condition's existence: it's blatantly obvious. However,, much, much more empirical evidence is needed to silence the objections of sceptics, who have no direct experience of the neurotype.
This blogpost is an assembly of first-hand parental experiences of the presence of PDA from birth, and even pre-birth. Whilst this isn't empirical evidence, it does provide a catalogue of lived experiences from a wide range of individuals. These quotes are from a blogpost originally posted by Free PDA in December 2021, and were provided by members of the Free PDA Facebook group.
Pre-birth PDA
Sharron
Maddison: My son stretched out a lot in the womb, it was extremely
painful. He broke his waters at 32 weeks and the doctors joked that he
was a stroppy little monkey. He went into distress during the birth at
36 weeks, things were taking a turn for the worst. As soon as he was
born he was absolutely fine. The doctor commented about his impatience
and said you're going to know you've got that one! Never a truer word
spoken
Christine: Well ... He wouldn't come out for a start.
After that he was the most placid baby I've ever met. Hit milestones,
though we always wondered should he cry more?! I think I counted 12
weeks with no crying. He was like an angel! This was all during first yr
I'm talking about
Louise: My waters broke a few weeks early,
(probably due to loose connective tissues), and I went into hospital for
observations to ensure there were no infections, and every time a
monitor was placed on my baby in my womb the nurse would say click this
button every time he moves. Me : click, click, click, click, click (in
rapid succession), nurse: no, only when he moves, me: he's kickboxing
the monitor every time you place it on him! He is not happy at all!
After
2 days I was finally induced, and after 4.5 hours he was placed on my
chest where he was lovely and snug and happy. Until his Dad decided he
wanted a hold of him! He screamed and screamed, threw his head up with
his neck was stiff and straight as it could be (with no support), and he
gripped his fathers finger til it went red! As soon as he was handed
back to me though, he calmed down again!
And this set the pattern
of him being a really passive baby as long as he was with me all the
time. However, things soon got difficult when I went back to work and
other carers were involved
Louise Perry: My daughter was 13 days
overdue, positioned sideways & wouldn’t budge. She needed a hell of a
lot of persuasion to come out! She was the happiest baby, always
smiling and taking everything in. Rarely cried. I lost count of how many
people would say ‘she’s so chilled out’. I now look back and see that
she fits the ‘passive early history’ description. She slept a solid
12hrs through the night from 8 weeks old. Napped twice a day. But, she
would never sleep in the car seat, sling or buggy. And would be
extremely unhappy if she missed her nap. So we had to follow her (very
strict!) routine & be at home for her naps. It made it tricky to
leave the house for long. Age 6 she still hates leaving the house!
Neonatal PDA
Pat
Kind: My boy was very attentive and alert from the beginning, straining
to watch the tiny tv in the maternity ward and focusing on people's
faces. He could interact taking turns to make noises and facial
expressions, which everyone remarked upon, a sign that he was developing
the ability to communicate very early. He begun using words, from 8
months and by 18 months was using sentences of up to 5 words. He was
quite an easy baby who slept well at night and only really cried when
being undressed. From around eight months he begun having huge
difficulties falling asleep and waking up which affected his mood at
those times. He would be very loud and angry before and after sleep. 23
years later he still does not follow a 24 hr sleep pattern. (My son was
diagnosed with ADHD aged 10 back in 2007. Camhs rejected my suggestion
that he was autistic because he didn't fit the typical profile of
language delay and communication difficulties. He didn't not make it
through the education system, leaving school at 14. As soon as I heard
about PDA it all made sense. I actually work with children with PDA now
so I am confident that he has this though not medically diagnosed)
Adira
Restless: My PDA son was different from the start. Everything had to be
on his terms from day one. He forced himself upright in the hospital
and shocked the nurses because they thought that was impossible. He
hated being cuddled and wrapped. Always seemed to want to be free. Then
from about one he'd drive us mad screaming for things and then not
wanting them the moment he got them. He would refuse them completely
(things he really wanted) and we couldn't figure out why.
Louise:
Adira, the nurses at the hospital were shocked over the same thing with
my baby! It’s that unbelievable strength they have!
Adira
Restless: Louise, it's amazing. My daughter was the same. I've got
photos of her at 7 weeks after she'd forced herself into a standing
position pushing against my husband's leg.
Sally Cat: My baby looked completely furious after being pulled out of my womb via c-section!
Anonymous:
My first baby was highly alert from the moment he was born. His first
day he held an intense gaze with me and his dad. From the start he was
straining to hold his head up and look around. Health visitors commented
on how strong he was and how intent he was on interacting with people.
By 3 months he'd learnt how to make a joke (turning away and then
looking back suddenly). Feeding with anyone around was hard as he would
be straining to watch everyone and couldn't concentrate on the feed. He
didn't like being put down, so spent most of the time being carried so
he could see what was going on. He would grab our faces and turn them to
him if we were talking to anyone else. Sleep was hard for him, as it is
to this day. He needed close physical contact or to be in motion.
Kathryn:
My DD1 was born at dinner time, and we both slept soundly in a noisy
ward soon after. Then it started - every time she was laid down so my
blood pressure could be checked she screamed the place down. My BP was
suddenly high so they kept checking it and trying to get a blood sample.
When I was holding her I quickly realised she was happiest up on my
shoulder looking around, so there she stayed (neck supported of course).
That night she started bringing meconium back so it was an utter
nightmare. The next day the midwives realised that if they took my BP
when I was holding her it was a lot better, and the blood test didn't
show any danger signs, so I took her home. She'd already communicated
two things very plainly to me - don't put me down, and let me look
around. Over the coming months she continued to control her environment
with crying (only one cry, the "mummy save me" one), early smiling and
pointing. She detested baths, she made incredibly strong eye contact,
she hated to be out of arms (anyone would do until 13 months) and she
never laid on the floor until she could sit. She failed to put more than
2oz a week on in spite of feeding lots, and the paediatrician, seeing
her at 2 months babbling, fixing him with her gaze and waving her arms
about, declared she was using all the calories she consumed for learning
about her world rather than creating fat cells. Now I understand so
much of her baby behaviour was seeking autonomy, and as an extension of
her body I was part of that control. She was always determinedly
non-routine. I myself am a naturally routine person, but she fed
different times every day, napped different times, filled her nappies
different times. She did wake and sleep within a 1 hour window though,
albeit a late one (11ish to 9ish) with her longest night feed around
4ish until 15 months.
Kellee: My daughter was the perfect baby,
however I worried she was sleeping too much as she never woke for feeds
during the night. She was my first child and I took everything the HV
said quite literally, so I was worried she wasn't having enough milk as
she didn't feed during the night - I took her to the docs when she was
12 days old, the doctor laughed at me and told me to enjoy my sleep!!
She
was a fussy eater when it came to weaning (very much still is!)
everything plain/beige food. When she began to crawl she was very over
cautious, even at soft play areas! Fussy with clothing, wouldn't wear
jeans.
Very sensitive to noises - hoover, hair dryer, hand dryers, motorbikes!
Passive babies
Anonymous:
To me she was just a normal baby, nothing really concerned me, very
happy and didn't fuss a lot. She has symptoms of PDA now though, hates
routine, interrupts us asking questions as demands, manipulative (we
feel like we aren't allowed to do what we want to do without
consequences), Jekyll and Hyde meltdowns, needs a constant supply of
made up stories and role playing to help get stuff done, very creative.
Riko Ryuki: Nope, I didn’t notice any signs of PDA in my babies, not even slightly.
I've
two PDA kids. I didn't learn about PDA until they were 9 and 2, but
even if I had known I wouldn't have twigged because they didn't show any
signs until age 2 (with middle child) and 5 (eldest). They were
generally calm babies, quick to smile and play and reached all their
milestones okay. My eldest was mostly fine, only the occasional outburst
or refusal, until he started school, that's when things just got harder
and harder. It was so obvious that he was masking outside the house,
you could see the change as soon as we got outside the door, like a
light switch had been flipped. Inside the house it was like all hell had
broken loose, it was meltdown after meltdown, not helped by my lack of
knowledge of PDA and so using the wrong strategies. With my middle
child, he was stubborn and 'set in his ways' from a young age, around 2.
Everything had to be a set way and if you didn't comply then he'd
scream. I thought he was just stubborn for ages, but by the time he was 3
it was obvious that there was more to it than that, especially once his
nursery pointed out things that just screamed PDA. From 3 onwards he
was classic PDA.
Jazz Spree: My daughter was a happy baby, met
her expected development milestones, slept and ate well. The only thing I
can perhaps identify, with the benefit of hindsight, is that sometimes
she would cry for no apparent reason, appear to be really cross or
frustrated by our attempts to placate her (after checking the roll call
of usual triggers, obviously). She would eventually wear herself out and
sleep. She seemed to sleep for ages (relatively, compared to my
friends' babies) but in reality she was happy in her own company playing
with her feet!
Liz: I had no clue, but reading these comments is
enlightening. My eldest PDAer was a very smiley baby, interested and
engaged, very easy until it came to sleep. She was not up for sleeping
alone, or for more than 2 hours at a time. Napping in the day didn't
happen unless in a sling. But she would smile at strangers and watch
intensely.My youngest, who is 5, is probably also a PDAer, but very
different to her sister. She was very determined from the moment of her
birth, you could almost feel her powerful personality. She rolled over
at 3 months, crawled at 4 and walked at 8 months. She was utterly joyous
as a baby, busy, determined, happy, giggling from 4 months. She
breastfed constantly and wouldn't sleep unless I was holding her.
Philippa:
By a couple of months old, our son was sleeping 7pm-10am and napping
12pm-2pm. It felt like I hardly saw him awake. He was difficult to wake
up. When he was awake he was the most chilled baby. Hit all his
milestones early. He didn’t seem to need anything until he started
nursery at 18 months old. Then he changed overnight.
Maggie: My
daughter was incredibly placid.... it was a shock to my system to be
honest after having two very "high-needs" babies who must be stuck to
you at ALL times. If I tried to interact with her when she wasn't
interested, it was made very clear by turning her head away and refusing
to engage at all, balling fists up, wriggling, fussing, until I laid
her down and backed off a little, when she'd quickly appear much more
content. On her terms, she was just as snuggly and loving as my other 2,
and she did frequently seek out that closeness and affection, but ONLY
on her terms. She was easily overstimulated as a baby, but very
fascinated in just casually observing what was going on around her.
She
slept well, I had to nurse her with as little physical contact as
possible or she would be too grumpy to maintain her latch. She was
colicky + was put on medication for silent reflux quite young (about 4mo
I think). She reached her milestones well, but again - fiercely
independent and wanted NO help that was offered to her, only when she
made it known that your assistance was required.
She got upset if we
celebrated her doing something cool - unsure whether it just overwhelmed
her, no matter how quiet or calm the acknowledgement was. We say she
came flying out of the womb incredibly headstrong, and that is a
personality trait that has continued to blossom as she's grown too.
As
she started to move about a bit, she often worked quietly "under the
radar" while her more boisterous siblings would be taking centre-stage,
and would saunter off herself to explore whatever caught her eye. From
being newborn she was definitely very passive and preferring to observe
rather than to be in the heart of whatever was going on. This continued
as she reached toddler stages, and she never seemed to click that I was
already wise to it, and so while I'd be engaged in conversation with her
siblings I'd always have one eye on her too. She was always really
shocked to find that I knew what she was upto, and still is now. Clearly
thinks she's invisible.
Anonymous: Mine was super alert and
super sensitive to other’s emotions. He was very easy going as a baby.
When he hit 3 it all changed !!!!
How passive were they really?
Louise:
I’m wondering about [the supposed PDA trait of] speech delay now. My
son went from not speaking many words to talking in sentences, pretty
much overnight, and it was clear that he understood a lot of what I said
prior to that. Maybe he just didn’t feel the need to speak more when he
was younger? I suppose you could call that a form of passivity?
Sally
Cat: My daughter said words, and even a phrase, before she was one, but
never repeated them again until she was way, way older (like three). My
sense is that she chose not to speak
Louise: Maybe because they felt understood and looked after enough.
Sally
Cat: My mum told me I could name all my colours by the time I was 9
months old. I can actually remember this (I have exceptionally clear
early years memories). I was in rapture over the colours of plastic
beads on a bar across my lap in my pushchair. They were so very, very
beautiful to me. The colours glowed like gods or something. I struggled
to pronounce their names (red, boo, geen, lello) because I loved them so
very deeply.
My mum then set to enthusiastically teaching me obscure
colour names (she's trained as an artist). My older brother enjoyed
showing off the obscure colour names he could get. I felt unable to
engage, like I just couldn't learn them. I muddled "vermillion" and
veridian" in my head. I still cannot memorise obscure colour names even
today as an adult who loves colour. I think my PDA avoidance is at play
Louise:
I think that’s why I struggle defining passive. Because it’s not like
our minds aren’t working a lot when we’re infants and very young
children, and it’s not like we’re incapable of some pretty amazing
things at times. Obviously there must be environmental factors at play
as well.
Kay: I had this with the youngest the day after doing
his EQA questionnaire about a month ago! He literally said about 5 words
(all repetitive)he had over an hour’s conversation to do this bleeding
assessment thing and got up the next day, phoned my mum and he was all
like hi nanny, how are you? What you do?! Little wotsit. I was too
gobsmacked to actually make a fuss luckily and I've just carried on like
it's normal because god forbid I show I'm excited about anything he
does! He likes me scared
Trancing out
Sally
Cat: When my daughter was a tiny baby she used to get extremely fixated
on certain visuals (like beams of light shining through our thick
bedroom curtains, and a colourful mobile we had hanging in the living
room). We had to give her medicine for a neonatal condition, and she'd
try and bat the oral syringe away from her mouth every time, and she was
only a few weeks old.
Miranda Jacobs: I don't have children, but
I've been told I was a "disappointing baby" by my mother. Apparently I
didn't react if they made faces at me & jabbered away, but when they
stopped I would cry. Also I really liked the wind - turning my pram
into the wind would calm me, or if my mother ran down the slope to the
underpass to get a good breeze going into my face!!
Jazz Spree:
Miranda, my daughter absolutely loved the wind too, and I would stand
for ages on the end of a pier with her in my arms, facing into the wind -
it was almost like she was gulping it. She has also resented her
sibling from the day she arrived and, on that very first day and ever
since (ages are now 13 and 10) she will not go to bed "before the baby
does" and other such controlling statements - and meant it.
Miranda Jacobs: Jazz, sounds so familiar!
Sally
Cat: Funnily enough, my daughter loved the wind as a baby and toddler.
well, she hated going outside for her first four months, and I had to
keep her really bundled up with a scarf over the hood of her pram so she
didn't scream her resistance as much. Then, by about 7 months, she
started loving the wind... and hail.
Babies who weren’t so passive
Lucy
Holt: Her first word, at about 6 or 7 months old, was ‘NO!’ It was cute
at the time, but we should have realised what was to come! Her older
siblings both said cat as their first word, followed by the usual mummy,
daddy etc. She was definitely the most stubborn out of the three!
Kirstie
McCrory: Pick me up, not like that, put me down, not like that, hold
me, don't hold me, touch me, don't touch me, I want to sleep, no I
don’t, yes I do, look at my food on the floor, pick it up for me, no I
don’t want it , pick it up again, again, again.
Josie Louise
Ward: With my youngest I was able to see PDA signs from very young as I
already had experience with my older PDAer. When he was 7 months old, he
would instantly get extremely angry if we ever took something away from
him (playing with something he shouldn't have). He would throw himself
back in a tantrum and scream and I remember being really surprised. Then
continued the other signs like hating nappy changes, would fight
getting into his car seat, push chair etc. I don't miss those days LOL.
Jessica
Fox: After an initial few days of appearing detached and in his own
world just staring at shadows and light on a wall my boy’s character
became apparent. I called him a “high needs baby” because he needed all
my attention at all times and screamed when I put him down. He wouldn’t
sleep without being in physical contact with me (this continued until he
was 4 years old.) The only time he would be put down was on his baby
gym where he appeared to do a workout every morning hitting and kicking
the dangling toys in what I called “the golden hour” because it was a
short window where I could get things done. He was very physical, highly
alert and very demanding. He knew what he wanted and was determined to
move around and explore the space around him.
At 5 months he began
crawling, backwards at first then forwards, and getting into everything
and climbing furniture. He walked at 11 months with no toddling or
falling over, he just went from pulling himself up on the sofa to
walking confidently across the entire room like he’d been doing it
forever. I knew he was different to other babies very early on, at baby
groups he didn’t sit contently and play he explored with a sense of
urgency and found different uses for toys than the other babies did
often using them contrary to rules or social expectations e.g. climbing
into water trays or moving toys from one area to another.
I caught
him practicing facial expressions, happy and sad, in front of a mirror
when he was about 18 months old and thought at the time that the ease at
which he did so looked possibly manipulative or at the very least
performative, like he had worked out a way to get what he wanted. He
knew what was being said to him from a very young age and was very
strong willed and communicated his own autonomy despite not progressing
beyond linking two words together until he was two and a half. At that
age he began speaking in full sentences with amazing vocabulary,
inflection and over-exaggeration, like he was performing in a play and
needed to enunciate properly to capture the audience’s attention.
Maggie: Oh! Daughter did also really NOT like me sleeping!
Would
wake up, sing like a little Gremlin and stare into my soul from her
crib/the bed next to me (depending on whether she was bed-sharing with
me that night or not) and just....high pitched cooing noises until I
woke up. kicking her little legs and flailing her arms around ... as she
got a tiny bit older she'd poke my face repeatedly and pull at my ears
and hair and stuff too.... and these high pitched noises that went right
through me.... til I woke.. brief interaction with her...then she'd
turn her face away and go to sleep!! Just like that
Demand avoidance and freedom need
Alana
Neimanis: I thought my son couldn’t sit up by the age of 8 months old
and was so worried until I realised while leaving him alone in his cot
and watching from the door semi-closed that he could perfectly sit up he
would just not do it in command! When I thought he wasn’t hitting a
milestone he was plain refusing to sit up every single time he was
asked, it now makes me laugh when I reflect on those years like what
would drive him to refuse sitting up oh cheeky monkey it was so rooted
in him of course pda makes a lot of sense now.
Kay: Yup, hated
getting dressed if asked but was happy to play with clothes, refused to
walk if enticed but would of his own accord, wouldn't get in a buggy but
wouldn't stay out of it.
Struggled to breastfeed him but would grab for boob all the time.
Would spit his dummy out if given to him then put it in himself.
Would scream about the lights being on but would cry if I turned them off (once he could do switches he was fine)
Loved
doing art but if I got it out he would cry lots, wouldn't take finger
foods offered but would take the same thing off of others plates.
This
is all the same for my youngest also, only me and the youngest have
this huge issue with using my boob as his comforter, if he shoves his
hand down my top without me noticing its fine but if he asks I get super
tense but if I offer it he will refuse and smack me but then lean in
and take it 5 minutes later.
If I say don't climb, they will or would climb.
Won't
eat at a table with everyone else if it is stated it is food time but
if food is just left he will eat it at his own discretion.....
The list is endless
Sally
Cat: As a little baby, my daughter was determined to get her feet out
from under her pram cover. She was so pleased with herself when she
finally succeeded! She also refused to wear hats and mittens etc.
Adira
Restless: I mentioned my PDA son above, but just thought of a good
example for my PDA daughter. No one's ever been able to get her to do
anything she didn't want to do. She started child care at one and I very
quickly got comments like "she's very stubborn, isn't she?" She has
also always refused to wave or say hello or goodbye to people - instead
turning her head away in a huff. As a baby her favourite word was "No".
Now at 3 her favourite thing to say is "I'll just do whatever I want to
do"
People focus
Anonymous: I was so
used to looking after sensitive babies having one of my own seemed the
norm. She was a right Velcro baby. Very interactive to a degree she
would command communication at all times. Loved people and not shy. Very
smiley happy baby, if her needs were met. I was on my own a lot as Dad
was in the services. Comfort breastfeeding was common. Preferred a long
feed at night as during the day she’d stop and start. I realised I’d
never be one of these out and about mums shopping as public
breastfeeding was a bit too public as she was so nosey she’d stop and
leave me exposed. Long walks in the baby carrier so she’d sleep during
the day.
As she grew older she became more reserved with people apart
from close family and chosen friends. Refused to speak to nursery staff
so environmentally mute. Despite being in crèche before and a very
popular playful baby.
The older and more aware and less in her
home environment the more demand avoidant she became. Refusing to get
dressed etc she was fine with hair washing etc then suddenly her sensory
issues came on strong. Anxiety increase was the root cause. Separation
anxiety from her constant me was very obvious to everyone . Her Dad was
in and out of her home life till she was 13. She missed him dreadfully
from a young age. When he did become a civvy. She missed when it was
just her and I for periods. She was more controlling over me when Dad
was away and demanded more.
Sally Cat: We regularly travelled on a
branch line train, and she used to love being held up in the air and
getting gushing attention from fellow passengers. One day, however, the
carriage was deserted apart from a group of four young people sitting at
a table seat immediately across the aisle from us. She kept leaning
towards them expecting attention, but they failed to notice her at all.
She became incredibly upset and angry and it was very hard to distract
her and calm her down.
Anonymous: From very young my second baby
knew exactly what she wanted. From about 4 months she'd be in your arms
and suddenly lunge her whole body away, so that she'd fall unless you
moved to catch her. This was her way of driving the human that held her
to get where she wanted. She'd also turn our faces to make us look at
her. Under 6 months old she'd know where anything was that I'd lost,
which is an indication of how hyper-aware she was of her environment.
From my arms she'd lean her whole body to where the item was and steer
me there. She never slept for more than 20 minutes in the day. It felt
like that was the most she could allow herself away from watching
everything. Later, when she could talk, whenever she woke she'd deny
she'd been asleep at all, which I now recognise was to do with needing
to be in control, and how being asleep is so out of control. Weaning was
all on her terms. She started grabbing food out of my hand or off my
plate from 4 months, but refused to eat any prepared baby food when
offered at 6 months. She wouldn't engage with weaning at all until 8
months, at which point she went straight to having a full plate of
whatever everyone else was eating.
Miranda Jacobs: I don't
remember this but I've been told I would stand in my cot & rock it
forwards & backwards, so the feet banged on the floor & shout
"Susan-Mummy, come into the rooooooom!" until she did!
Also I have a
strong memory of the light coming through my bedroom curtains &
making patterns on the wall. I would have been no older than 3. I
remember hating that I was having a baby sibling when I was told. I was
2 1/2 when my brother was born & I resented him until he was about
30!!
Anxiety
Mandarin Snap: My daughter
was really jumpy as a baby, she would jump even when someone walked past
her. Wouldn't let me leave her side for the first 6 months and always
had extreme reactions of fear to animals and I have a toy dog that sings
and wiggles which she was terrified of. She has always reacted badly to
being told off, even gently to the point where she can't breathe
properly.
Sally Cat: When my baby was just just a month or two
old, she had episodes of seeming completely terrified of something
neither myself nor her dad could identify. We could best describe it as
her seeing scary ghosts. It was very peculiar and disturbing!
When
she was a bit older, if we took her into a baby change room with a big
mirror mounted over the changing ledge and she saw our reflections in
it, she would panic hysterically. She would be absolutely terrified! I
learnt to place my satchel between her and the mirror so she couldn’t
see it.
Restlessness
Florence Castle:
my PDAer has an older ADD brother, so I had another baby experience to
compare to. They each had their own "settings and preferences" ... not
gonna use the word 'normal', cause, we don't think that's a thing in our
house. My PDAer was more restless - seemed to have more energy in her
body, took longer to fall asleep, and generally slept less. My ADDer
fell asleep in 5 minutes, and did not drop his nap until he was nearly
3. my PDAer took longer to settle even when it was a regular sleep time
and she was tired. She dropped her last nap much earlier at 18 months.
my PDAer also liked less touch. I'm an attached parent, the product of
attached parenting, and my instinct is always cuddle, hold,
hug...especially when in distress. While MissPDA does enjoy a good
cuddle and to this day will come to me for them, I generally noticed
when she was a wee one that she liked less of that than her brother
had... luckily the instinct to hug also comes with an instinct to notice
when when it's not wanted, so I would always ease back and let her
dictate. to be clear she did like contact, she didn't avoid it
completely, just liked less... and more 'being next to' versus 'full
hug'...
Feeding issues
Dany: Yes.
Breastfeeding totally on her terms- at one stage would only feed if I
lay down. Wouldn't feed if I needed her to. Wouldn't eat solids/ purees
until literally starving at 11months as I was pregnant and milk reduced.
Only would sleep in PITCH black. Had to have movement in a sling to go
to sleep. Refused buggy. I put it down to her being a highly sensitive
child. She was happy though.
James McGee: yes. very, very clingy,
overly sensitive to surroundings and my mood, and my boys at least
avoided the demands of being fed any time it wasn't wholly in their
control. yet, when we were in public, at least from 6 months on a
complete 180 from their temperament at home.
Anonymous: My
daughter never slept during the expected times and always needed contact
and movement to feel secure. We had real issues with feeding and ended
up on a lactose-free milk for a while but she's okay with milk now, so
not sure what it was really. She wasn't fussy with solids, and happy to
try new things. She's always hated being away from me in particular and
the return of any absence from 18m or so up was met with either complete
indifference like I wasn't there, or a few good hits and the odd bite
before having a big cuddle. She was always a bitey child
I posted a
video on my profile a couple of days ago of when she was about 2 1/2 and
my son was about 6 months and in his swinging chair (which she would
climb in as much as possible and refuse to get out for him). She's
leaning over looking at him and being nice, I asked her if she loves
him.. NO! I ask again..NO! But she leans over and kisses his head with a
grin. Sassy from day one
The Impact of Co-occurring Conditions
Rachel
Sylvania : My son was a very passive baby but, he had the added extra
of being born with a cleft palate and thus, severe glue ear which made
him effectively deaf until he had grommets fitted at age one.
He certainly didn't cry a lot unless food was involved.
One
thing, looking back, that he has always had though is a sense of
urgency. This became especially apparent at preschool age but thinking
to his first 18 months even then he was sort of urgent. Lol
Anonymous:
My son was a screamer he slept and refused his first feed for over 24
hrs after birth but then he refused to sleep for like 11 years and
screamed a lot, However was it PDA, sensory, ADHD, pain from his EDS, I
don't know.
Anonymous: Hard to say if there were signs of PDA because also ADHD signs were present.
Did
not want to leave a place he was not ready to leave (park, playing with
other kids), I usually waited for the other parent to take their kids
first. Car seats.....a nightmare!!! So many toys and mobiles to
entertain all the time. But he did not want to go in.
Constantly
needed attention and new toys. Needed new stimuli. I would pick up a toy
from the store, let him play with it while I shopped and put it back
when we were done and he was all good. Never ever ran out of energy.
Ever.
Delayed sleep phase as well. He was a hard baby looking back,
but he was my first so I had nothing to compare it to. I just kept
thinking "how do people have more than one kid!!!!" Most signs of PDA
were not present until school years.
