Memes About Control

Control, not control freak

PDAers need control  to avoid demands

Lack of control = demand

Control equasion in more detail
PDA and my need for control

Why I need choice

It's not about controlling others

The irony of PDA control-seeking
Coin: control and intolerance of uncertainty

Poem about my contrariness

Control, choice and attachment

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Internalised PDA - the quieter, but equally impactful presentation of PDA that's hard for people to spot

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This blog article is also available as an animated video: click here to view it PDA research & writing has focused on externalised, freely-expressed presentations of PDA.   However, internalised PDA is often completely missed because our meltdowns are concealed and demands tend to be avoided subtly, and we slip below the radar. We internalisers though are not "less" PDA. Just like an iceberg isn’t smaller than a same-sized lump of ice on dry land: the iceberg merely looks smaller because the majority of its body is hidden from view under the water. Internalising PDAers’ driving forces are just as strong as those that drive externalising PDAers, and can lead to self-harm, dropping out of school & employment, and even suicidal ideation. I believe that internalised PDA needs to be brought into the radar. As we’re so good at concealing our traits, it takes internalisers like me to signpost people to our quieter, less accessible half of the little-explored PDA continent. T...
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Internalised PDA

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What do we mean by internalised and externalised PDA? To understand what internalised and externalised PDA are, I think it’s first necessary to understand what PDA is. PDA stands for both a specific type of irrational, “pathological” type of avoidance, and the distinct neurotype it belongs to. PDA-style avoidance is only experienced by people fitting the PDA neurotype. PDA as a neurotype involves more traits than the irrational avoidance it’s named for: ~ massive need for personal control ~ ultra-high inborn anxiety ~ interest in fantasy and role-play ~ using social strategies to avoid every day demands (like having to put shoes on) ~ enjoying novelty PDA, as a neurotype, hasn’t been studied much. The huge majority of existing studies have focused on children with obvious traits: I.E., children who’ve kicked and screamed publicly enough for researchers to notice them.  But there are more PDAers than children who’ve stood out as obviously difficult. Many of us, for example, are adul...
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How I understand PDA (in language kids can understand)

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Some people, both children and adults, have brains that say “no” to everything. It’s a bit like a switch that flicks down as soon as we think of doing anything, even things we wanted, like eating cake. It makes the idea of doing these things feel very bad so we want to avoid them. This is known as pathological demand avoidance . About pathological demand avoidance Although pathological can mean a having a bad habit (like pathological liars), when doctors talk about pathological, they mean something is caused by an illness or by the body itself. The doctor who named pathological demand avoidance wanted to show that it is caused by the way brain is built - a bit like how wanting to run away from foxes is built into rabbits. Pathological demand avoidance happens without us thinking about it, so we often don’t notice it, and the bad feelings it gives us (like eating cake being horrible) can seem real. We often only notice it when something is pushed on us by someone else, l...
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